Beneath our glamorous crowns, we each have a villain inside waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. My inner Bridezilla decided to make a grand entrance last week and I have mourned her tragic wake ever since. Have the words ever poured out of your mouth so fast that you aren’t even sure of all the possible implications until you see word vomit sprawled all over the floor? Yes, that was me, soaking up a massive pile of word vomit last Wednesday evening.
I thought I could help my handsome stud. He was a little down in the dumps and I thought I could give him a pep talk. I started out by asking what was wrong? To my discomfort, he didn’t know the answer. After I peppered him with more questions he seemed a little agitated. Rightfully so, but, I couldn’t see that. I tried to cheer him up with positive thoughts…. As girl who loves weddings I naturally suggested he think about our future wedding. All of a sudden things took a dark twist. For some unknown reason I brought up ugly snippets of a previous wound between us. All because of a stupid emoji he’d sent me. It sparked some weird fiery ball of sass that I couldn’t put out.
At certain points in our five-year long relationship (yes there was a break in there) he has turned to others for help. Which is great! Do not get me wrong, I want him to have a great support system and that should be made up of more than just myself. On the other hand, I don’t like it so much when that person he turns to is an ex-girlfriend or a girl who has stated she wants more from him than friendship.
I came across a conversation via text (on accident) last month that included messages from a girl who’s texts were far from innocent. My man would tell her that he had a girlfriend but, he didn’t explicitly state “Hell no” either… which is obviously what I wanted. I didn’t want her led on. Honestly, I could see he was struggling with something. He had the biggest career let down when he was medically discharged. He needed help and encouragement but, I was bummed he didn’t turn to me. I know he was putting on a brave face for me but, in the future we need to be 100% with how raw we are to battle those struggles together. It is always better to struggle together.
Anyway, we have gotten past this hiccup. I won’t go into the explanations revealing what I didn’t know, but, understand that it all looked a lot worse than it was. We tend to dramatize things and get worked up even when there are simple explanations. When all of this was revealed to me, I also wanted to know that he is just as dedicated to our relationship as I am. For some reason that is one of my major insecurities and it decided to rear its ugly head last week.
When my man needed some love and encouragement I slashed open the recently scabbed wound between us. Instead of being there for him, I panicked about everything. My future, our future. Instead of helping him, my inner villainess took center stage. I actually asked him if he was as dedicated to us as I was, and I asked if he was even excited about marrying me one day in the distant future… I asked many terrible things and accused him of even worse. Man, the words just poured out in this new-found confidence (also known as a Makers and Seven) as if I’d never been able to voice my opinion before. By the end, I was no longer confident and felt ten times as small as my usual size. Jeez, I’d been a real witch.
There are times when someone needs us and we are selfish. Maybe we choose not to open the door for the man holding ten packages. Maybe you don’t pick up the phone when your troubled best friend calls because you know it will take at least an hour and a box of chocolates to get you off the phone. No matter what it is, remember that everyone else is struggling just as much as you. Everyday, we each fight our own worst battles. You might not be able to see all the struggling going on in someone’s life but, it does not mean it’s not there. Take a minute to help someone else today. Perhaps this will help you gain some perspective for your own problems.
Whenever you feel your inner villainess start to appear, take a deep breath. Count backwards from ten. Think about children dying of hunger. Or people dying in the cold due to inappropriate shelter. Think about people who truly need help. You will realize that whatever problems you’re facing, whatever makes you want to become a villain, in that split second before you ice the kingdom, focus on those who truly have need. Channel this. Be the change you wish to see in the world. If I had channeled this, instead of my own insecurities I might have been able to help my boyfriend instead of driving a wedge between us.
Luckily, we always bounce back. We actually had an amazing talk and reconnected the very next day on a romantic date. We constructively talked about each of our insecurities and worked through them all. The one positive thing from my freak out, was that it got us talking. We started tackling some issues I’d been hiding. Struggles are painful to talk about but, it is always better to let them out than to cage them. Once you cage them, they multiply and not only threaten your relationships, but your well-being. Don’t let petty things get between you and the ones you love. Fight for positivity, courage, and honesty.
I challenge you to help someone today you that you normally wouldn’t. Feel free to comment about it below!
Keep Struggling and fighting your Inner Villain,